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Would you dive
headfirst into a lake without learning first how deep and how warm (or cold)
the water was? Would you buy a house or agree to rent an apartment
without checking it out first? Would you accept a job if you didn't know
what you would be doing, how much you would be paid, what kinds of
benefits you would receive, or what the working conditions were? Only if
you tended to act on impulse or if you were very desperate, right?
The same is true
in marriage. Few people decide to get married without some idea of what
they are getting into. The problem, though, is that too often they have
less than a biblical view of marriage in mind, or they naively expect the
romance to continue without a glitch, or they merely continue to
duplicate the less-than-ideal marriage patterns they observed as they
grew up. As a result, when problems arise in the marriage, they fail to
address the issues properly and live in conflict, ignore the problem and
hope it goes away, or else they decide to end the marriage. That's why
it's so important for those who are contemplating marriage to think ahead
to what they're getting into.
What did Rebekah
and Isaac think they were getting into? Genesis 24 doesn't tell us much
about this. We have to assume that they, like Abraham, knew what had been
passed down to them from the first marriage in the Garden of Eden. And
they had watched their God-fearing parents respect the Lord's plan for
marriage.
Isaac must have
known, for example, that marriage had strong spiritual implications--he
knew that his wife was not to be a pagan idolater but someone who was spiritually
compatible and who would join him in preserving the faith and passing it
on to the next generation (24:1-7). For the 37 years before his mother
had died, Isaac had observed his parents' relationship.
What is God's view
of marriage? God designed marriage to be the closest and best of all
human relationships. A man and woman were created to complement one
another's physical, spiritual, emotional, and social needs and abilities
in the special relationship we call marriage (Gen. 2:18-25). Their union
was to be more than merely a sexual act, it was to be a union of purpose,
hearts, and souls. Your selection of a marriage partner must be someone
who will complement your needs, and someone whose needs you can joyfully
fulfill.
God conducted the
first marriage ceremony, and He has been involved in every ceremony since
then. Jesus referred to the creation account of Adam and Eve and the
one-flesh union of man and wife, and then He said, "Therefore what
God has joined together, let not man separate" (Mt. 19:6).
God clearly has
made known his hatred for divorce (Mal. 2:16). New Testament passages
like Ephesians 5 extol the sacredness of the marriage relationship and
the need for husband and wife to give each other their all.
What are the
responsibilities of the husband and the wife? Contrary to some opinion,
marriage is not a master-slave relationship. And contrary to the pattern
of some existing marriages, it is not supposed to be an adversarial
relationship either. The following are two key marital responsibilities:
Sexual
faithfulness (Ex. 20:14, Gal. 5:19). This is faithfulness in both action
and attitude (Mt. 5:27-28). Husband and wife are to have eyes and
thoughts only for each other.
Distinctive roles
(1 Cor. 11:3-16; Eph. 5:22-33; Col. 3:18-19; 1 Tim. 3:4,12; Titus 2:4-5;
1 Pet. 3:1-7). Just as within the Trinity, the Father, Son, and Spirit
are equal but have different roles, so too the husband and wife are given
different roles by God.
The husband is to
provide loving leadership (1 Cor. 11:3; Eph. 5:23,25,28; Col. 3:19). He
is to do all he can to understand his wife's needs and treat her with
tender respect (1 Pet. 3:7).
The wife is to
provide loving help to the husband and family (Gen. 2:18; Eph. 5:22; Col.
3:18; Ti. 2:4-5; 1 Pet. 3:1).
It is popular in
some cultures today for the distinctive roles of husband and wife to be
discarded as sexist and outdated stereotypes, which no longer apply in
our modern, enlightened world. The problem with that view is that God
created men and women with different biological and relational roles. And
the Bible gives no indication that God's created distinctives should be
ignored or glossed over.
No one said it
would be easy! Love takes a lot of work. A person who goes into marriage
with the notion that life will be total romantic bliss has a rude
awakening ahead. Most people are more realistic, but their expectations
still exceed the reality that they encounter.
Is premarital
counseling necessary? Maybe not necessary, but couples have found it to
be very helpful. Some people have gotten enough good, sound biblical
counsel from their parents as they have grown up, and they've seen good
marriages in action, so for them extensive counseling probably isn't
necessary. Many pastors insist on counseling sessions with every couple
they marry, and that's a good idea. At the very least, a couple needs to
understand what marriage is all about, how to handle disagreements, how
to handle their roles, how to relate to each other sexually, and how to
build one another up spiritually. And good premarital counseling paves
the way for later counseling if problems arise in the marriage.
How do you know if
you're in love? True love is more than a sensation--though you may feel
on top of the world when you are with the one you love. But feelings can
lead you up on a mountain one day and down in a valley the next. The kind
of love we need in order to enter a marriage fully prepared, "for
better or worse, for richer or poorer, . . . till death us do part,"
is a love that is self-sacrificing--a giving of oneself for the sake of
the other.
No one on this
earth (except Jesus) has ever exhibited perfect love, but what we desire
is the most perfect expression of love that is possible. Substitute your
name and the name of the person you're considering for marriage in 1
Corinthians 13:4-7 wherever the word love occurs. See how you measure up
to the biblical pattern.
________________
is patient.
________________
is kind.
________________
is not jealous.
________________ is not boastful.
________________ is not arrogant.
________________ is not rude.
________________ is not
self-seeking.
________________ is not easily
angered.
________________ does not hold
grudges.
________________ does not delight in
evil.
________________ rejoices in the
truth.
________________ protects.
________________ trusts.
________________ hopes.
________________ perseveres.
Thinking It Over.
Why do the responsibilities of marriage scare some people? How does
society today view commitment in marriage? What kind of good and bad
marriages did you observe in your own life, your family and friends as
you grew up? How will you make sure that your marriage honors the Lord?
It is up to us to
assure that a marriage relationship glorifies God, first! It is our
responsibility - both to ourselves, as God's children, and to God, to
glorify Him in all that we do. He gave us the instructions, it is our
responsibility to follow them.
Curtis
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