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Lately, I have been struggling with a couple of
things that are going on in my life. One of those things is a mild upper
respiratory condition. I prayed that God would remove this from me but,
it continued. So, I prayed that God would reveal to me the purpose of
this condition since I knew that God doesn't want His children to hurt (I
already knew the answer but, I asked anyway). The answer, of course, was
that I smoke cigarettes! Why was I wasting God's time by asking Him a
question that I already knew the answer to? Why didn't I just quit? The
answer is clear - I am in denial! That's right, I didn't want to see the
wretchedness of my habit. I didn't want to admit to myself that I was not
being obedient to God! He doesn't specifically address smoking in the
scripture but He imparts wisdom that, if I choose to receive it, tells me
that my habit is distracting me from Him! I am hurting and He is giving
me a gentle nudge to get my attention.
When God counsels His hurting children, He gently
leads them out of their denial. As a teacher who was deeply concerned
about helping people, Jesus said, "If you abide in My word, you are
My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall
make you free" (John 8:31-32). Free? That's what I need, freedom from
my habit! I am in bondage!
Since a disciple is a learner and a follower, Jesus
is describing a path to freedom that is much more than merely trusting
Him in a moment of salvation. He is describing a process of truth that
can rescue us from the bondage of our powerlessness, betrayal, confusion,
denial and rejection.
Abuse (and smoking is a form of self-abuse) victims
have an especially difficult time coming to terms with the truth. Many
have learned to live with their past by consciously or unconsciously
pushing the abuse and pain from their memory. Denial was likely one of
the chief means for surviving their abuse. Many victims find a crack in
the wall to concentrate on during the abuse or learn to "leave their
body" and soar away to a more pleasant place. Anything to get away
from the truth.
There is only one answer to the problem and that is
facing the truth! It involves admitting that damage has occurred.
Minimizing our losses may seem courageous and charitable, but it helps no
one. We don't help ourselves by living in the darkness of denial.
Admit honestly, to yourself, the devastating effects
of the abuse. You can also find enormous help in sharing your burden with
a trusted friend or spouse. Ask them to pray for you and encourage you as
you consider the wounds and try to heal.
The prophet Isaiah saw where self-protection leads.
He said that if, instead of relying on God for our protection, we attempt
to protect ourselves in the darkness by lighting and surrounding
ourselves with small fires, we will end up in torment (50:10-11).
The most natural thing to do when we are lost and
afraid in the dark is to light a fire. Little fires like "lots of
people do it", "just one won't hurt", "I can quit
anytime I want", things like that. These fire-lighting efforts to
find our own life apart from dependency on God, however, are merely
futile means of self-protection that will fail us in the end. They should
remind us of the proverb that says, "There is a way that seems right
to a man, but its end is the way of death" (Prov. 14:12).
Self-protection makes a great deal of sense at the
moment, but it is the opposite of faith in God. It leads to torment and
death. It is imperative to face the truth of what is going on inside our
hearts. We need to see that by killing our own feelings, playing tough, or
running from the Lord, we have turned our fear and anger against
ourselves, others, and God.
The only way for us to look honestly at the what we
have done to ourselves is by prayerfully admitting to God and before
others our own inability to protect ourselves. It means admitting to
ourselves that we are not who we deeply long to be. These are painful
admissions. But waking the painful desires of truth brings hope and will
be far less painful than the eventual torments of denial.
God loves His children and will deliver them! Our
responsibility is to honestly face the truth about ourselves, our
weaknesses and our failures, and then trust God! He already knows
everything about us, it is we who hide from ourselves - who are we
fooling! It isn't going to be easy but, we have a helper! Hebrews 13:6
tells us " So we say with confidence, The Lord is my helper; I will
not be afraid..." . The apostle Paul writes " I can do
everything through him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13)
What more could we ask! We have a helper and the strength, all we have to
do is ask! God is always there, He tells us, through Moses, in
Deuteronomy 31:6 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or
terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will
never leave you nor forsake you.” I can stand on that!
Curtis
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