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Therefore be followers of God as dear children. And walk in love, as
Christ also has loved us" (Eph. 5:1-2). Loving others with whom
we have conflicts is not easy. But if a work of restoration is to be
achieved, we must take the initiative in love. Since this step is so
important, it is necessary to be sure we understand what it means.
First we will look at what love is not.
Love is not merely feelings. In a conflict,
positive emotions are often replaced by negative ones. In fact, as
far as feelings are concerned, it may be quite some time before we
have that sense of warmhearted acceptance between us and the other
party.
Love is not phony. Forced smiles or any other
false expressions of kindness are both superficial and artificial.
They lack the genuine and lasting quality necessary to correct the
problems in a broken relationship. Pretending to love others will not
do. It has to be real. The apostle Paul wrote, "Let love be
without hypocrisy" (Rom. 12:9).
Love is not man-made. It isn't of human origin
or something we manufacture ourselves. God's kind of love is out of
our league. Since we can't produce it, someone else has to. That
person is the Holy Spirit, who lives in all Christians (1 Cor. 6:19).
Under His guidance, we can truly love those whose acceptance we seek
to regain (Gal. 5:22).
Love is not retaliatory. When mistreated by
others, we must decide to do what is right. Jesus said, "Do good
to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those
who spitefully use you" (Lk. 6:27-28). He was saying that we are
to let kindness be our response to hate. We should speak well of
those who speak ill of us. Prayerful concern should be shown for
those who treat us in degrading ways. In short, we choose to do
what's right toward others, regardless of their response. Now,that's
hard to do!
Now that we have looked at what love is not,
let's take a positive approach.
Love overrules personal feelings. This concept
is not easy to put into practice. It means taking a stand against
ourselves. While committed to right actions toward others, we must
refrain from expressing our negative emotions. In reality, our bad
feelings are suppressed for the good of others. Yet it is a part of
that self-denial to which Christ calls us (Mt. 16:24). Responding the
right way to others in spite of our feelings is an all-important step
in repairing relationships.
Love looks in the mirror. Perhaps the most
difficult aspect of loving others is to examine our own attitudes.
But that should be our primary task. Before we try to straighten out
the other person, we had better make sure our heart is right. Jesus
said, "Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and
then you will see clearly to remove the speck out of your brother's
eye" (Mt. 7:5). It's hard and often painful, but it can be done.
Once again, we are dependent on the work of
the Holy Spirit in our lives. His ministry is to give us renewed
hearts and minds (Rom. 12:2). With His assistance we can replace
anger, bitterness, and malice with kindness, tenderheartedness, and
forgiveness (Eph. 4:31-32).
Love makes the first move. Our natural
inclination is to avoid those with whom we have relational strife.
However, if we are going to remedy the situation, we must be willing
to initiate the process. Loving them first means just that. It is the
willingness to take the first step, to go to them and begin to work
things out (Mt. 5:23-24; 18:15). Yes, conflict can be repaired when
we initiate the process in love.
Thinking It Over. Has anyone hurt you
recently? Have you decided to put aside your feelings and do what is
right? Have you asked God to help you to love that person rather than
ignore or retaliate?
Curtis
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