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The confusion over divorce is not just rooted
in statistics, or even experience. Mixed signals are also found in the
Bible. On one hand, the Old Testament prophet Malachi declared, "The
LORD God of Israel
says that He hates divorce" (Mal. 2:16). Yet God Himself admits to divorcing
Israel (Jer. 3:8). On one occasion, the prophet Ezra insisted
that the men of Israel
divorce the pagan wives they had married (Ezra 10:10-17).
Later, Jesus said that sexual immorality is the only grounds for divorce
(Mt. 19:9). Yet the apostle Paul taught that divorce is also permissible
if a Christian is married to a non-Christian who no longer wants to be
married (1 Cor. 7:15).
Does the Bible contradict itself about
divorce? No. Even though many godly Bible students disagree on what the
Bible teaches about divorce and remarriage, I believe the Scriptures
offer guidelines for those contemplating divorce and remarriage. Even in
cases of physical abuse, which has become such a troubling issue in our
day, I am convinced that the Bible gives us answers.
The
Divine Permission
Deuteronomy
24:1-4
When a man takes a wife and marries her, and
it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some
uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it
in her hand, and sends her out of his house, when she has departed from
his house, and goes and becomes another man's wife, if the latter husband
detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand,
and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took
her as his wife, then her former husband who divorced her must not take
her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an
abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land
which the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance. In this passage,
Moses declared that after a man had divorced his wife because he had
found "some uncleanness" in her and both had entered new
marriages, they could not dissolve the new marriages and marry each other
a second time. Men apparently were already divorcing their wives for
"some uncleanness." We don't know when Moses began allowing
such divorce, but that he had done so previous to the writing of
Deuteronomy 24 is clear. Jesus, some 1,500 years later, told a group of
Jewish leaders, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts,
permitted you to divorce your wives" (Mt. 19:8).
The
Historical Situation.
At the time of Moses and throughout the Old
Testament era, a man became the master of the woman he married. This was
true in all the cultures of the time, even among the Israelites. A wife
was a husband's possession in a manner similar to his property, his
animals, and his slaves (Ex. 20:17).
Jewish law did not permit a woman to initiate a divorce. She could
remarry only if given a certificate of divorce. Any promise she made
could be overruled by her husband (Num. 30:4-16). The husband could have
his bride stoned if on the wedding night he discovered that she was not a
virgin (Dt. 22:13-21). The society in Israel
was definitely patriarchal like that of neighboring nations.
God, however, did not permit men unlimited
power over their wives. They could not sell a wife into slavery, like
neighboring nations could--not even if she were a war prisoner who had
been made a secondary wife (Dt. 21:10-14).
The children were commanded to honor the mother as well as the father
(Ex. 20:12).
A man could not humiliate his wife by marrying a sister as a rival (Lev. 18:18).
The Lord gave these laws as a merciful provision for women in a
male-dominated society. Through these regulations, God showed the men in Israel
that their wives were to be viewed as people, not merely as property.
The
Permission Given.
Because of the hardness of men's hearts, Moses
allowed divorce (Mt. 19:8). In the process, however, God provided
guidelines. A man had to obtain a certificate of divorce and give it to
the unwanted wife. When he did take such action, the divorce certificate
would show that the woman had been legally released from marriage and
that she was now free to marry another.
Moses permitted such action if a man found
some uncleanness in his wife. The exact meaning of the expression
"uncleanness" is not clear. It is a word that was almost always
translated "nakedness" by the King James translators. An
exception is when the word was used to describe an "unclean
camp" in which human excrement had not been properly buried (Dt. 23:14).
In some cases, as in Leviticus 18 and 20, the word was linked to specific
instances of family sexual abuse. Given this usage, it's possible that if
a man suspected his wife had been sexually molested by a family member
prior to marriage, he could give her a certificate of divorce. Such an
allowance might seem unmerciful. But keep in mind that this stipulation
was granted because of "hardness of heart" circumstances. If a
man could not deal with something that caused his wife to be despised in
his eyes, the law allowed for her to be freed rather than to be subject
to his contempt.
We know that Moses was not allowing divorce
just in instances of adultery, because adultery was an offense punishable
by death (Dt. 22:22). The "uncleanness,"
therefore, must have referred originally to conduct on the part of the
wife that the husband deemed shameful or offensive, but not limited to
physical adultery. We have no knowledge of how this was interpreted
during Israel's
early history.
At the time of Christ, Jewish rabbis disagreed
about what Moses meant by the expression "some uncleanness."
The followers of Rabbi Shammai limited this
term to some kind of sexual impropriety (not necessarily adultery). The
followers of Rabbi Hillel (the vast majority)
gave it almost unlimited latitude--even making minor offenses like
burning food a legitimate basis for divorce.
The
Restriction Imposed.
The focus of Deuteronomy 24:1-4 is the
following restriction: Once the divorced pair had married new mates, they
could never marry each other again. The reason for this restriction is
difficult to determine. One widely accepted explanation is that it would
make a husband think carefully before divorcing his wife and marrying
another woman.
In summary, while we have no record of the
occasion when God led Moses to make it possible for the men in Israel
to divorce their wives, Jesus made it clear that it happened. He declared
that God did this "because of the hardness of your hearts" (Mt.
19:8). Callous-hearted men would perpetrate greater evils against wives
who were despised in their eyes if divorce were not an option. As noted
earlier, God had already forbidden the sale of a wife into slavery. But a
hard-hearted man in a male-dominated society could find many other ways
to make life difficult for a wife he no longer wanted to support. He
could vex her by marrying and lavishing all his attention on a second
wife. He could burden her with too much work while openly resenting her
continued presence.
The
Divine Permission
Matthew
19:1-10
Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished
these sayings, that He departed from Galilee
and came to the region of Judea
beyond the Jordan.
And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there. The
Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it
lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" And He
answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them
at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason
a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and
the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one
flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man
separate." They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to
give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?" He said to
them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you
to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to
you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries
her who is divorced commits adultery." His disciples said to Him,
"If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to
marry." This is the second key passage on the divorce issue. It
expresses our Lord's teaching on this subject more fully than any other
Gospel passage.
The
Historical Situation.
As noted earlier, the religious leaders among
the Jews disagreed sharply on the divorce issue. The followers of Rabbi Shammai were far more strict
than the followers of Rabbi Hillel. The enemies
of Jesus asked Him, "Can a man divorce his wife for any
reason?" hoping they could force Him into giving an answer that
would put Him at odds with one group or the other. Jesus didn't fall into
their trap. He corrected their statement that Moses commanded men to
divorce their wives by reminding them that Moses permitted divorce
because of the hard hearts of the men. He also called them back to God's
ideal before making a pronouncement that agreed with the teaching of
neither of the prominent rabbinical schools.
The
Permission Given.
Jesus said that divorce is wrong "except
for sexual immorality." The Greek word He used was porneia, a term covering a wide range of sexual sins.
When used in a sentence alongside moicheia
(adultery), it denoted a sexual sin involving at least one unmarried
person or a perverted form of sexual behavior. The feminine form of this
word porne means "prostitute." The
masculine pornos denoted either a man who was
promiscuous or who engaged in perverted sexual behavior. On rare
occasions, when specified by the context, it referred to a marriage of
close relatives. Therefore, all the modern versions render the word porneia here as either "unchastity,"
"unfaithfulness," or "sexual immorality."
In sanctioning divorce for sexual immorality,
Jesus also permitted remarriage for people thus divorced. A careful study
of the Bible passages dealing with divorce makes clear a principle that
we can apply: Whenever a divorce occurs on grounds God has declared
valid, that divorce carries with it the right of remarriage.
We can express this principle with confidence
on the basis of the historical situation into which Jesus spoke these
words and on the grammar of the words themselves.
First, let's place ourselves in the shoes of
those to whom Jesus spoke. The Jews in His audience, whether followers of
Hillel or Shammai,
agreed that legally divorced people had the right to marry new mates. As
far as we know, no Jewish teachers of that time differed on this point.
We can therefore assume that the people Jesus addressed had never heard
of a divorce that did not carry with it the right to remarry. The divorce
regulations mentioned in Deuteronomy 24:1-4 completely dissolved prior
marital commitments. The only prohibition was that a
divorced couple not remarry each other after marrying and
divorcing new mates.
The second basis for our conviction that a
God-permitted divorce carries with it the right to remarry is found in
the very words recorded in Matthew 19:9, "Whoever divorces his wife,
except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits
adultery." The phrase "except for sexual immorality"
appears in the middle of the sentence. But the meaning would be the same
if it appeared at the beginning of the sentence. "Except for sexual
immorality, whoever divorces his wife and marries another
commits adultery." It would be the same if it read,
"Whoever divorces his wife and marries another
commits adultery, except for sexual immorality." An exceptive
clause grammatically applies to the whole sentence, whether it appears at
the beginning, in the middle, or at the end.
The idea that God permitted divorce for sexual
immorality but forbade remarriage arose in the post-apostolic era when
some of the Church Fathers began to view human sexuality as a necessary
evil and exalted celibacy as the most God-honoring lifestyle. Not only
did they discourage marriage, they forbade remarriage either after a
divorce or the death of a spouse.
We conclude, therefore, that Jesus permitted
divorce on grounds of sexual immorality, and that this divorce assumed
the right of remarriage.
The
Restriction Imposed.
The words of Jesus, "except for sexual
immorality," express a restriction as well as a
permission. If a person obtains a divorce on grounds other than
sexual immorality and remarries, he commits adultery. The Lord's use of
the word moicheia rather than porneia is significant. Moicheia
focuses on the broken marriage covenant. When two people whose divorces
were not valid in God's sight come together in the sexual union of
marriage, they break their former marriage covenant. But this is not a
continuing state. From this point on they are husband and wife.
God considers two people as married when they
have met the civil requirements. This is true even when their divorces
were not valid in God's sight. Jesus told the Samaritan woman that she
had five husbands before her present live-in arrangement (Jn. 4:17-18). It is
unlikely that she was widowed five times. We can therefore assume that at
least a couple of her marriages followed a divorce. Jesus still
recognized each man she married as a husband.
Moreover, in 1 Corinthians 7:20 Paul urged
first-century believers to do their best to remain in the marriage they
had when they were converted. The people he addressed must have included
some who had married new mates after divorces obtained on trivial
grounds. If these people were living in perpetual adultery, we can assume
that Paul would have told them to separate immediately.
This leads us to the conclusion that when two
people marry after a divorce on grounds less than specified by Jesus and
Paul, they sin against the covenant they made in the previous marriage.
But this occurs only once. Their first sexual union breaks the former
bond. The new marriage covenant is now in effect. This fact, however, should
not be taken as weakening the force of Christ's restriction. Deliberate
disobedience is always a serious matter. Believers who truly love the
Lord will not lightly ignore or disobey Him.
The
Divine Permission
1
Corinthians 7:10-16
Now to the married I command, yet not I but
the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does
depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a
husband is not to divorce his wife. But to the rest I, not the Lord, say:
If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to
live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live
with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is
sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the
husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.
But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is
not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how
do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you
know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? Apart from a passing
comment in Romans 7, these few verses contain everything Paul wrote about
divorce. Some critics say that in the process he contradicted Jesus'
stipulation that the only grounds for divorce was
sexual immorality. But a careful consideration of the historical
circumstances makes it clear that Paul was faithful to Jesus' words on
this matter.
The
Historical Situation.
When Jesus made His statements about divorce,
He addressed Jewish people living under the Mosaic law. Paul addressed
believers, both Jews and Gentiles, on this side of Calvary
and the empty tomb. Many of these Gentile believers undoubtedly came out
of a paganism that was morally decadent. Its worship involved temple
prostitution and sexual orgies. The city of Corinth
itself was known far and wide as a center of sexual indulgence and other
forms of immorality.
The pagans who became Christians needed often
to be reminded of God's moral standards. Then too, some of those who had
become believers were living with a mate who had not become a Christian.
Apparently, a number of the nonChristian
spouses were content to allow the marriage to remain intact. Other
nonbelievers, however, wanted the mate either to renounce Christ or to
end the marriage.
Paul was concerned that fellow believers be as
unencumbered as possible from the normal cares of life so they could
serve Christ freely in the difficult days that were ahead. Therefore, in
chapter 7 of his first epistle to the Corinthians he gave inspired advice
and instruction about singleness, marriage, divorce, and remarriage. We
will consider only the verses that deal directly with the divorce and
remarriage problems.
The
Permission Given.
Paul advised single people to remain single,
and married people remain with their present mate. However, he declared
that the unmarried would not sin by marrying a believer and that a Christian
with a non-Christian mate who wanted out of the marriage would not sin by
allowing the unbeliever to obtain a divorce.
But if the unbeliever departs [the word Paul
used here was an official term for divorce on the certificate of that
day], let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such
cases (1 Cor. 7:15).
The fact that Paul made the desertion of a believer by an unbeliever
grounds for divorce, while Jesus gave the only valid reason as
"sexual immorality," does not put him into conflict with his
Master. He was addressing a different situation--a mixed marriage. Jesus,
addressing Jews under the law, had in mind marriages between
Jews--marriages within the covenant community. Paul confronted a
different problem--marriages between believers and nonbelievers.
God through the apostle Paul mandated that a
believer does not sin by allowing a divorce when the unbeliever wants
out. A divorce in such circumstances is therefore valid. God sees the
marriage as ended. Therefore, the believer thus divorced has the right to
remarry.
From the words of Jesus in Matthew 19 and from
Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:15, we have found only two grounds upon which God
sanctions divorce: sexual immorality and the desertion of a believer by
an unbeliever. This raises the question, "Is divorce wrong under all
other circumstances? What about abuse? Must a woman continue to live with
a man who is beating her and sexually abusing her?
There is no verse in the Bible specifically
stating that a woman in an abusive marriage has a right to obtain a
divorce. Nor is there any mention of a legal separation. Many pastors and
other Christian leaders have gone through great emotional and mental
turmoil when confronted with extreme cruelty situations. I know I have.
And in my searching of the Scriptures I have found a principle that I
believe we can apply in such situations. It has permitted me to advise
some women to seek a divorce even when the husband was a professing
Christian and free from sexual immorality. Let me explain.
God in His compassion sometimes allows His
people to set aside strict conformity to certain rules He has given. He
did this on one occasion when David and his men were hungry. He allowed
them to eat consecrated bread in the tabernacle--bread which He had
declared holy (1 Sam. 21:1-6).
God also did this with His Sabbath rules. He
had commanded the Israelites to keep the seventh day as a day of absolute
rest--even for domestic animals (Ex. 20:8-11). He forbade the kindling of
a fire to cook food (Ex. 35:1-3). The importance of these rules was seen
when He ordered that a man be stoned for gathering sticks on the Sabbath
(Num. 15:32-36).
It was to be a day of absolute rest!
Yet Jesus healed on the Sabbath. When rebuked
by His adversaries, He reminded them that even a legalistic Jew worked to
free an animal that had fallen into a pit (Mt. 12:9-13). The strong
"no work" regulation could be set aside when an animal needed
help or a person needed healing. The Bible doesn't say this explicitly,
but the Jews knew it to be true. The Lord Jesus expressed this fact when
He said, "The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the
Sabbath" (Mk. 2:27).
Let's apply this principle to God's
regulations about divorce. Why did God give men permission to divorce
their wives? Jesus answered this question when He told His critics,
"because of the hardness of your hearts" (Mt. 19:8). God had
declared that a man should cleave to his wife in a one-flesh relationship
(Gen. 2:24). He never rescinded this rule. Yet He permitted men to
divorce their wives. Why? The only logical reason I can think of is that
He did so to protect the wives of hard-hearted men. If a man didn't want
a woman as a wife any longer, he couldn't just discard her, he had to
give her a certificate of divorce. This would give her the freedom to
marry another man.
The Old Testament divorce laws were a merciful
provision. God hated divorce then just as He does now. But He preferred
divorce to the abuse of wives and mothers.
Divorce is often a terrible evil, but in some
situations it represents a wise and loving course of action. Ezra
insisted that Israelite men put away their pagan wives and children (Ezra
10:10-19).
God Himself divorced the northern tribes of Israel (Jer. 3:8). He took such action only after enduring
their prolonged spiritual unfaithfulness which He compared to sexual
unfaithfulness.
Since divorce is not always wrong, it is not
like lying, stealing, coveting, or sexual immorality. These other actions
are always wrong. God can never approve of them. But divorce is not
always a sin. It is always caused by sin, but is not an act of
disobedience when permitted by God.
Believers are not necessarily sinning when
they divorce a spouse who through sexual sin has shattered the exclusive
commitment of the marriage covenant. In fact, a woman who is married to a
physically abusive husband may not be sinning when, with the
encouragement of her spiritual counselors, she seeks divorce action--even
if her husband is not guilty of sexual immorality. If such a wife has
given careful consideration to the name and reputation of Christ, if she
has sought to fulfill the requirements of love, and if she has followed
the biblical procedures for confronting a sinning brother (Mt. 18:15-17),
then she may have reason to seek divorce action against someone who is no
longer being treated by the church as a brother.
As we saw earlier, Jesus taught that sometimes
the spirit of the law allows specific legal requirements to be overridden
(Mt. 12:1-13). By His own example, Jesus allowed His hungry disciples to
pick and eat grain on the Sabbath, just as He also took the opportunity
to heal a man with a crippled hand on a day when no work was to be done.
I believe the apostle Paul could have had this
same spirit of the law in mind when he wrote:
Now to the married I command, yet not I but
the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does
depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a
husband is not to divorce his wife (1 Cor. 7:10-11). Notice that after commanding the
Christian wife not to divorce her husband, the apostle inserted,
"But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be
reconciled to her husband." Why didn't he just tell both husbands
and wives to refrain from divorcing one another without inserting
"but even if she does"? I believe that Paul may have been
making a compassionate provision for an abused woman.
I have encountered situations in which I could
not in good conscience tell a woman to remain with her husband. One man
quit beating his wife after she called the civil authorities and had him arrested for assault. But he would push her, put a
knife to her throat, or point a gun at her in front of their terrified
children. After much effort at getting him to change was unsuccessful,
and after the psychological damage to the children became obvious, I
encouraged her to obtain a divorce. The man, to avoid child support, left
for places unknown. To this day she doesn't know where he is. Paul could
have had such situations in mind.
The
Restriction Imposed.
Paul told the woman who obtained a divorce on
grounds other than sexual immorality that she was to "remain
unmarried or be reconciled to her husband." Such a divorce is not as
complete a severing of the marriage bond as one where a mate has been
guilty of sexual immorality or where an unbeliever refuses to continue
living with a believer. To enter a new marriage while the possibility of
reconciliation is still open is to commit adultery, as specified in
Matthew 19:9. It seems logical to assume that once one of the parties
makes remarriage impossible by entering a new union, the other party is
released from this requirement just as if the former mate had died.
Living up to what the Bible teaches about
sexual morality, marriage, and divorce is very demanding. Abstinence
before marriage is out of style in our society. So is submission for the
wife and selfsacrificing love on the part of
the husband. The idea that believers should remain unmarried if they
obtain a divorce on grounds less than sexual infidelity or desertion by
an unbeliever is scoffed at or ignored. These ideals are attainable, but
in today's world it is more difficult than ever to do so.
On the other side of the coin, we are
challenged to be sympathetic, accepting, and forgiving toward divorced
people--even to the point of fully restoring those who repent. We find
ourselves saying, "This is too much! God challenges us to a high
standard of purity and selfless love, and then He expects us to be kind
to people who didn't take His challenge seriously. Besides, if we are too
kind and forgiving, won't we encourage others to take the low and easy
road?"
If we have these feelings, we need to join
Paul in praying that we, "being rooted and grounded in love, may be
able to comprehend . . . what is the width and length and depth and
height--to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that [we] may
be filled with all the fullness of God" (Eph. 3:17-19). When God
answers this prayer, we will be amazed at His love. And through the
indwelling Holy Spirit, we will want to live up to God's expectations for
us and be eager to forgive and accept those who have stumbled and fallen.
And we should always keep in mind the humbling scripture that Paul wrote
to the church in Rome:
"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are
justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ
Jesus." (Rom 3:23-24)
Curtis
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