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The most effective parents die a thousand deaths.
Sometimes it is the result of being embarrassed by the actions of their
children. Sometimes it is the result of utter frustration and fatigue.
Sometimes it is over the deep concern of a son or daughter’s shortsighted
and self-destructive choices and sometimes it is circumstances. But often
these parents voluntarily die to their own desires just because this is
what it takes to bring children into the world.
No one said that bringing children to maturity would
be easy. It’s hard for a mother to go through the contractions of labor.
It’s hard for her to give years of her life to infants and toddlers who
constantly demand attention. It’s hard for a wife and husband (much less
a single parent!) to give up the freedoms they enjoyed before children.
It’s hard for a father or mother to put aside Their strong will and give
their children the space they need to make their own decisions. It’s hard
to give your children more and more freedom with less and less control so
that they can begin to feel the responsibilities of maturity. It’s hard
not to jump in and rescue them when they get themselves in trouble. It’s
hard to remain firm in providing reasonable boundaries and controls so
that they are not left entirely on their own. It would be easier,
sometimes, to give in and get them off your back. It’s hard to
continually help them to see that the real issue is not what you want
them to do but what they are going to choose and with what consequences.
It’s hard not to jump in and take control. It’s hard to be patient enough
to give them as much time as they need to grow up. It’s like dying to let
them go out into the cold, cruel world.
It’s hard to pray for them daily. It’s harder yet to
pray in a way that reflects our surrender to God. It’s hard to say to the
Lord, “Do whatever it takes to bring my children to You and to maturity
of faith and love. Lord, do whatever it takes.”
Ironically, we are inclined to think that taking an
easier path will result in less pain and more joy. Good parenting,
however, is the result of Christlike character. And unless we follow
Christ’s lead and that of the apostle Paul where he writes 1 And so, since God in his mercy
has given us this wonderful ministry, we never give up. 2 We reject all
shameful and underhanded methods. We do not try to trick anyone, and we
do not distort the word of God. We tell the truth before God, and all who
are honest know that. 3 If the Good News we preach is veiled from anyone,
it is a sign that they are perishing. 4 Satan, the god of this evil
world, has blinded the minds of those who don't believe, so they are
unable to see the glorious light of the Good News that is shining upon
them. They don't understand the message we preach about the glory of
Christ, who is the exact likeness of God. 5 We don't go around preaching
about ourselves; we preach Christ Jesus, the Lord. All we say about
ourselves is that we are your servants because of what Jesus has done for
us. 6 For God, who said, "Let there be light in the darkness,"
has made us understand that this light is the brightness of the glory of
God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ. 7 But this precious
treasure – this light and power that now shine within us – is held in
perishable containers, that is, in our weak bodies. So everyone can see
that our glorious power is from God and is not our own. 8 We are pressed
on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. We are
perplexed, but we don't give up and quit. 9 We are hunted down, but God
never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep
going. 10 Through suffering, these bodies of ours constantly share in the
death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.
11 Yes, we live under constant danger of death because we serve Jesus, so
that the life of Jesus will be obvious in our dying bodies. 12 So we live
in the face of death, but it has resulted in eternal life for you. (2
Cor. 4:1-12 NLT), we will never see the difference Christ’s Spirit can
make in us and our children. Only when we die to ourselves do our
children get the benefit of Christ parenting through us.
You don’t have to be the adult child of a divorce, or
of an alcoholic, a workaholic, or a physically, verbally, or sexually
abusive mom or dad to have doubts about yourself as a parent. All of us
have questions about what we are going to pass along to our children.
Some of us wonder whether we are going to be able to be as good for our
children as our parents were for us. The good news is that we don’t have
to pass along a legacy of parental inadequacy.
The God of the Bible has offered to adopt, raise,
and live His life through you if you will allow Him to parent you. The
God and Father of the Lord Jesus Christ has offered to adopt and name you
in His eternal inheritance if you will acknowledge your sins and trust
Christ for forgiveness and life (Eph. 1:3-12; 1 Jn. 5:1).
In this new relationship to God, a parent can find a
love, a security, and a confidence that God alone can give. It begins as
we trust Christ as Savior from sin’s eternal penalty. It continues as we
rely on Him for wisdom and enablement.
This is the only way that “children having children”
really works in our favor. When we trust God and live as His children, He
will develop within us the character that is the secret of good
parenting.
Curtis
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