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Recently, I lost my job after waiting 21
months to find it. Prior to this, I had met the most wonderful woman and
we planned to marry and start a new life. This was the fruition of a
dream for me – a dream that I had prayed for and that I felt was finally
answered. After losing my job though, it seemed that the dream that I had
prayed for was no longer a reality. How could I possibly hope to enter
into a new marriage without a job? How quickly I forgot that the God, the
provider of all things, was in control. Satan was hard at work filling me
with doubt and despair. Sound familiar? Everything appears to be falling
into place and suddenly – disaster. Something happens that seems to
make all of our hopes and dreams fade into nothing. I believe that since
God, in His infinite wisdom and love, is giving me a wake up call. I
could fall deeper into despair and self-pity but, I know that this is not
what the Lord wants. I try desperately to come to the point that the
prophet Isaiah came to when he wrote “See, God has come to save me.
I will trust in him and not be afraid. The LORD GOD is my strength and my
song; he has become my salvation.” (Isaiah 12:2 NLT). In my heart,
I know that I will arrive at this point but I am in the “right
now” and all I can see is where I wanted to be and where I am.
That’s right; I am right back in the middle of “me”.
At 50, I am able to look back on my life and
see that in all of the mire that the world has set before me, God has
ALWAYS come through in my best interest and confirmed the promise that He
made to me in Jeremiah 29:11 where it is written “For I know the
plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good
and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” And He even
gives me the instructions to manifest His promise where He tells me in
verses 12 – 14 that “In those days when you pray, I will
listen. If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me.
I will be found by you," says the LORD. "I will end your
captivity and restore your fortunes.” How simple it should be and yet so
difficult when we are in the midst of trials.
Despair is a common human experience. We all
go through it to one degree or another. We all know what it feels like
when it seems the wheels are falling off and there's nothing we can do
about it. In many cases, despair can deteriorate into a mild or major
bout with depression when we internally give up and say to ourselves,
"Why bother. Things aren't going to improve. So what's the use in trying?"
Remember, for example, a time in the life of
Elijah. He was a prophet of the nation of Israel during the reign of
the evil King Ahab. Among other things, he directly took on the problem
of Baal worship, which was poisoning the Lord's chosen people.
On one occasion in particular, he courageously
challenged and defeated 450 prophets of Baal on Mount
Carmel in a most spectacular and somewhat humorous fashion
(1 Ki. 18:16-40).
It's difficult to imagine someone getting discouraged after such a
successful showdown. But that's what happened. After hearing that King
Ahab's wife was out to kill him, Elijah ran for his life. He fled for
nearly 70 miles into the desert before he stopped. Exhausted and
discouraged, he sat down under a tree and prayed that he would die:
"I have had enough, LORD," he said.
"Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors." Then he lay
down under the tree and fell asleep (I Ki. 19:4-5).
In other words, Elijah was saying, "I
give up. Despite all that I've done, I'm no more successful at driving
out Baal worship than my ancestors. I quit."
Elijah was discouraged, and he may have even
been on his way to depression. Certainly, his circumstances were part of
the setup. He was fatigued from traveling so far, and his situation
looked grim. He was tempted to give up, if he hadn't already.
Giving up, whether consciously or
unconsciously, is a self-destructive response that can trigger the onset
of depression as well as reinforce it. It is often at the point of giving
up that feelings of anxiety give way to a state of depression. In
anxiety, we're afraid that something awful might happen. At the onset of
depression, we feel that something awful has happened. We also feel that
since nothing good will ever happen again, why bother.
But, what causes us to come to the point of
despair?
There's no question that natural tendencies or
biological factors may play a part in why we give up in the face of
despair. Without overlooking the role these factors may have, let's look at
reasons that are within our control--reasons that can even alter factors
that are beyond our control.
A Refusal To Live With Deferred Hope.
Deferred (unfulfilled) hope is painful. It
"makes the heart sick" (Prov. 13:12). So if we give up hope, we don't have to feel
the pain when it's unfulfilled. In this way, giving up is an indication
that we are refusing to live with the ache of hope that is unfulfilled.
It's difficult for most people to accept that
the burden of depression is often easier to bear than the pain of
deferred hope. However, many admit that this is true. As one woman said,
"I want to be happy and feel peace in my life. I have had enough
unhappiness, yet it seems that one side of me actually thrives on it. I
feel so confused within myself." Over time, she came to see that she
would gravitate toward giving up on herself and the future because she
was afraid to live with hope; namely, the fragile hope to be loved that
she wasn't sure would ever be met.
In reality, it's not a matter of preference.
It is a matter of control. While people who are depressed usually feel
out of control in so many ways, they do have some control over how much
pain they feel. More than anything else, people who give up and become
depressed are committed to living with as little pain as possible on
their terms, especially the pain of deferred hope. Giving up helps to
avoid feeling the kind of pain and emptiness that only heaven will take
away.
Misplaced Hopes.
People give up to deaden the pain of deferred
hope. But they also may give up because they believe that life is
pointless without what they've lost or what may never be attained. They
see little or no reason to love, to work, or to stay involved in life if
they can't be with a particular person or be engaged in a specific
activity or reach a specific goal. So they withdraw into a state of
self-imposed numbness.
Many who struggle with depression feel despair
because they put their primary hopes for meaning and joy in all the wrong
places--such as a boyfriend or girlfriend, a job, a happier marriage, or
a house. Essentially, they placed their hopes in a false god of their own
making--one that could never satisfy their souls (Ps. 115:3-8). And when
these false gods or illusions of fulfillment seem hopelessly lost, out of
reach, or indifferent to their needs, the tendency is to give up on life.
As awful as the consequences of giving up
might be, there is hope for those who battle with the darkness of
depression. Unlike false gods that can't provide us with guidance, the
God of the Bible has provided us with a light of hope that will cut
through the darkest of nights and guide us until the dawning of heaven.
Depression is a serious struggle, and there
are usually no simple or quick solutions. In many ways, the road to
recovery will be under construction until we get to heaven.
Recovery from depression is like a gradual
resurrection from the dead. The Spirit of God working in us can bring
what is dead back to life--and in a way that honors God and the dignity
He has instilled in each of us.
It's encouraging to know that God is in
control, that He can provide for our deepest needs, and that He is able
to renew our hearts in the midst of great despair (2 Cor. 4:16). We must
understand, however, that the One who works in us is the Spirit of truth
(Jn. 14:16-17). So
it's in the realm of truth that He is able to bring renewal and growth to
our hearts.
Recovery is built on the foundation of facing
the truth, no matter how much it hurts. Pain is not the enemy, it's a
sign that life and feelings are returning to our deadened hearts. Only as
we begin to face the truth will we be able to begin our walk on the road
to recovery. I am reminded of the words of our Lord when He said "If
you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know
the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (Jn 8:31-32 NIV)
I want to be free! How about you? We must
NEVER give up hope. When life seems too big to handle, it is time to remember
that we are children of a loving and omnipotent God who, like us, wants
the very best for His children. Don’t give up – give it to
God. It is exactly what He wants us to do. Become like a child and draw
closer to Him and find comfort in His loving arms. He is waiting for us.
Curtis
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