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Would you dive headfirst
into a lake without learning first how deep and how warm (or cold) the
water was? Would you buy a house or agree to rent an apartment without
checking it out first? Would you accept a job if you didn't know what you
would be doing, how much you would be paid, what kinds of benefits you
would receive, or what the working conditions were? Only if you tended to
act on impulse or if you were very desperate, right?
The same is true in
marriage. Few people decide to get married without some idea of what they
are getting into. The problem, though, is that too often they have less
than a biblical view of marriage in mind, or they naively expect the
romance to continue without a glitch, or they merely continue to
duplicate the less-than-ideal marriage patterns they observed as they
grew up. As a result, when problems arise in the marriage, they fail to
address the issues properly and live in conflict, ignore the problem and
hope it goes away, or else they decide to end the marriage. That's why
it's so important for those who are contemplating marriage to think ahead
to what they're getting into.
What did Rebekah and Isaac
think they were getting into? Genesis 24 doesn't tell us much about this.
We have to assume that they, like Abraham, knew what had been passed down
to them from the first marriage in the Garden of Eden. And they had
watched their God-fearing parents respect the Lord's plan for marriage.
Isaac must have known, for
example, that marriage had strong spiritual implications--he knew that
his wife was not to be a pagan idolater but someone who was spiritually
compatible and who would join him in preserving the faith and passing it
on to the next generation (24:1-7). For the 37 years before his mother
had died, Isaac had observed his parents' relationship.
What is God's view of
marriage? God designed marriage to be the closest and best of all human
relationships. A man and woman were created to complement one another's
physical, spiritual, emotional, and social needs and abilities in the
special relationship we call marriage (Gen. 2:18-25). Their union was to
be more than merely a sexual act, it was to be a
union of purpose, hearts, and souls. Your selection of a marriage partner
must be someone who will complement your needs, and someone whose needs
you can joyfully fulfill.
God conducted the first
marriage ceremony, and He has been involved in every ceremony since then.
Jesus referred to the creation account of Adam and Eve and the one-flesh
union of man and wife, and then He said, "Therefore what God has
joined together, let not man separate" (Mt. 19:6).
God clearly has made known
his hatred for divorce (Mal. 2:16). New Testament passages like Ephesians 5 extol the sacredness of
the marriage relationship and the need for husband and wife to give each
other their all.
What are the
responsibilities of the husband and the wife? Contrary to some opinion,
marriage is not a master-slave relationship. And contrary to the pattern
of some existing marriages, it is not supposed to be an adversarial
relationship either. The following are some key marital responsibilities:
Sexual faithfulness (Ex. 20:14, Gal. 5:19). This is faithfulness in both action and attitude (Mt. 5:27-28). Husband and wife are to have eyes and
thoughts only for each other.
Distinctive roles (1 Cor.
11:3-16; Eph. 5:22-33; Col. 3:18-19; 1 Tim. 3:4,12; Titus 2:4-5; 1 Pet.
3:1-7). Just as within the Trinity, the Father, Son, and Spirit are equal
but have different roles, so too the husband and wife are given different
roles by God.
The husband is to provide
loving leadership (1 Cor. 11:3; Eph. 5:23,25,28; Col. 3:19). He is to do all he can to
understand his wife's needs and treat her with tender respect (1 Pet.
3:7).
The wife is to provide
loving help to the husband and family (Gen. 2:18; Eph. 5:22; Col. 3:18; Ti. 2:4-5; 1 Pet. 3:1).
It is popular in some
cultures today for the distinctive roles of husband and wife to be
discarded as sexist and outdated stereotypes, which no longer apply in
our modern, enlightened world. The problem with that view is that God
created men and women with different biological and relational roles. And
the Bible gives no indication that God's created distinctives should be
ignored or glossed over.
No one said it would be
easy! Love takes a lot of work. A person who goes into marriage with the
notion that life will be total romantic bliss has a rude awakening ahead.
Most people are more realistic, but their expectations still exceed the
reality that they encounter.
How important should sex
be? Your sexual relationship is an expression of the intimate relationship
of body and soul that you and your spouse will share. The sex drive is a
powerful force; because of that, God designed marriage as the place where
that drive is fulfilled (Heb. 13:4). First Corinthians 7:2 and 9 tell us
that the desire for sexual fulfillment is one good reason to get married.
Granted, more ought to be involved, but the sexual attractiveness will be
there, and the sexual relationship should be enjoyed unreservedly (Prov. 5:15-19). A husband and wife are to recognize that they have a duty of
providing sexual satisfaction to their mate (1 Cor. 7:3-5).
Is premarital counseling
necessary? Maybe not necessary, but think it would be very helpful. Some
people have gotten enough good, sound biblical counsel from their parents
as they have grown up, and they've seen good marriages in action, so for
them extensive counseling probably isn't necessary. Many pastors insist
on counseling sessions with every couple they marry, and that's a good
idea. At the very least, a couple needs to understand what marriage is
all about, how to handle disagreements, how to handle their roles, how to
relate to each other sexually, and how to build one another up
spiritually. And good premarital counseling paves the way for later
counseling if problems arise in the marriage.
Thinking It Over. Why do
the responsibilities of marriage scare some people? How does society
today view commitment in marriage?
Curtis
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