|
People were created with a
twofold need--fellowship with God and companionship with other human
beings. For these, if they are to realize the full purpose of His
creation, there can be no substitute. The social instinct is deep within
every human being, and when this need remains unsatisfied the seeds of
loneliness grow and flourish.
We are vulnerable to the
onslaught of loneliness on a number of levels, of which the emotional is
the most distressing because it involves the loss of close relationship
with other people. Only establishing some alternative, congenial
association can relieve it. To those who are by nature shy or reserved,
this presents an almost insurmountable obstacle. In my case, my father
was in the military which forced us to move every two years or so. As a
child, I was conditioned to expect the loss of friendships on a regular
basis and this has caused me to form friendships that are not very deep
or intimate - always expecting them to be dissolved after a short
period. This conditioning
has carried over into my adult life and I struggle to form lasting
friendships simply because I don't know how to cultivate and nurture
intimate relationships. I am struggling with just such a problem as I
write this.
As an encourager, I
typically focus on lifting up other people - a duty that I fell the Lord
has placed on me - using the gifts that He has given me. The problem is
that when the encourager needs encouragement, he (or she) comes to the
realization that they are alone in their need for companionship with
other human beings.
Social loneliness is
related to the contacts we have--or do not have--with the community in
which we live. This is a chronic sense of being "left out," and
this in turn generates a feeling of low self-worth. The victim labors
under the conviction, by no means always justified, that he or she is of
little significance to anyone, and therefore no one desires his or her
friendship. This attitude often leads to a largely self-imposed
isolation.
What people in this state
of mind need most is a group of caring and supportive friends; but how
and where can they find them? In many churches, this need is met in home
groups whose members exercise a mutual interest in the others' welfare.
But the initial step--the joining of such a group--is the decision of the
sufferer who may be shy or otherwise impaired (as in my case).
Although social loneliness
is undoubtedly distressing, spiritual loneliness is even more fundamental
to the condition, for it carries with it the feeling of isolation not
only from fellow men and women but from the God who alone can fill the
vacuum in the human heart.
Blaise Pascal, the noted
French scientist, held that in every human heart there exists a
God-shaped vacuum. Centuries before him, Augustine, Bishop of Hippo, put
his finger on the root cause of loneliness. He said, "God created
man for Himself and our hearts are restless until they find rest in
Him."
For this reason, the
greatest need of the lonely person is to ensure that he or she is in a
right relationship with God, the Great Physician. He has a cure for every
lack and disorder of the human heart, whether it be spiritual or social.
"It is strange to be
known so universally, and yet to be so lonely." These poignant words
spoken by the great scientist Albert Einstein demonstrate that loneliness
invades the lives of the intellectual as well as those in lower stations
of life. It is no respecter of persons. But it may have been Einstein's
very brilliance that isolated him from lesser mortals and gave birth to
his loneliness.
Perhaps more than at any
time in history, this scourge has become pervasive in the world--as much
among the sophisticated as among primitive societies. It is a rapidly
increasing part of human existence, an inescapable fact of life.
Loneliness seems to keep pace with social and industrial change in
today's world. It has been accurately described as a debilitating
deficiency disease that knows no limitations of age, class, or sex.
In an effort to discover
the type of problem that was of most concern to its readers, a newspaper
conducted a broad survey. In the responses received, three problems
predominated. They were--in order of priority--fear, worry, loneliness.
In the last of the three, there are elements of the first two as well.
But it is loneliness that casts the longest shadow on our contemporary
world.
In a poll conducted among
patients in a psychiatric hospital, almost 80 percent claimed that it was
loneliness that drove them to seek help from the psychiatrist. It is
small wonder that in his book Overcoming Loneliness, David Jeremiah
termed it "the disease of the decade, perhaps of every decade in our
mid and late twentieth century."
A large number of modern
pop songs and lyrics are shot through with the melancholy themes of
frustration, emptiness, loneliness. Much of the accompanying music is set
in the minor key and is a reflection of the negative aspects of life.
Country and western music majors in broken relationships, desertion, and
infidelity. All this tells its own story.
While there are points of
similarity between solitude and loneliness, it is quite wrong to equate
them without qualification. It is true that the two at times do converge,
but neither the words nor the experience are synonymous.
The word alone occurs
frequently in the Bible, but only in very few cases can it be equated
with loneliness. Our Lord differentiated the two concepts when He said,
"You will leave Me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for My Father is
with Me" (Jn. 16:32). The different significance of the two words
has been expressed in this way: Loneliness is the result of the absence
of personal intimacy or meaningful activity. Solitude is not being in the
company of others.
Loneliness is always a
negative experience, while solitude is often positive and renewing.
Loneliness brings a feeling of desolation and depression that can be
destructive. It tends to stifle hope and quench aspiration. Solitude can
generate a sense of solitariness that is both creative and motivating.
The one is involuntary, unwanted. The other is voluntary and deliberately
chosen.
Isolation was the first
thing God saw that was not good: "It is not good for the man to be
alone" (Gen. 2:18). But there are times when the hard-pressed heart
craves solitude more than anything else.
Following His claim that
isolation was not good for Adam, God created "a helper suitable for
him." So early in human history, God indicated that mankind was made
for companionship. We were created social beings, capable of sustaining
loving and congenial relationships with both God and our fellow men and
women. Our full creative purpose can never be realized by itself, only in
association with other men and women. Because we are social creatures by
nature, the absence of a friend or companion creates an emotional vacuum
that can work havoc on both body and spirit.
Being alone involves only
physical separation, but being lonely includes both spiritual and
psychological isolation. It produces a solitude of heart, the feeling of
being cut off from others whom we should like to have as friends.
Periods of solitude can
equip us to help others. Our Lord's frequent desire for solitude was not
for the mere sake of being alone; it was primarily to enjoy communication
with His Father. Then, strengthened and encouraged by that fellowship, He
returned better equipped to meet the demands of the needy and lonely
crowds that constantly pursued Him.
Solitude affords the
needed opportunity of regaining heaven's perspective on the mysteries of
life. This was the experience of Asaph, who opened his heart and shared
his perplexity in Psalm 73.
As he surveyed the world
around him and observed the prosperity of the wicked people among whom he
moved, he almost lost his faith. He was mystified that God should allow
them to prosper and profit by their evil deeds, while often the good
people appeared to have more than their share of adversity and suffering.
Was God really being fair by acting that way? In the light of His seeming
injustice, Asaph had begun to wonder about the point and profit of being
righteous. Hear Asaph as he pours out his complaint:
As for me, my feet had
almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold. For I envied the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. They have no struggles; their
bodies are healthy and strong. They are free from the burdens common to
man; they are not plagued by human ills. . . . This is what the wicked
are like--always carefree, they increase in wealth. Surely in vain have I
kept my heart pure . . . . When I tried to understand all this, it was
oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood
(Ps. 73:2-5,12-13,16-17).
It wasn't until he went
into the silence of the sanctuary of God that he gained heaven's
perspective and found a fresh foothold for his faith.
"Where is God when I
am lonely?" is a question asked by many depressed people. It may not
be actually articulated, but it is there deep down nonetheless. Of course
the answer is, "Right beside you."
"Whether we feel it
or not," writes Margaret Clarkson in Decision magazine, "we
have His presence for our loneliness, His understanding for the human
misunderstanding that ruthlessly assaults our quivering sensitivities,
His unchanging and unchangeable purpose for the seeming hopelessness of
our frustration and apparent uselessness. . . . Our very infirmities can
open up our lives to more of the power of Christ."
Scripture abounds in
promises, divine undertakings that await our appropriation. There is no
conceivable situation for which there is no appropriate promise. Be alert
as you read the Bible to discover what God has promised to do and then
lay hold of it. Say to the Lord, "Do as You have said."
Promises must be claimed by faith. It was by faith the patriarchs
received the promises. Abraham had an abounding confidence in his God. He
was "fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had
promised" (Rom. 4:21).
Ultimately, every one of
us must face reality and take responsibility for our condition. It is our
personal loneliness, and for it we have final responsibility. So if any
change is to be effected, it is we who must take the initiative. If we
choose to deny responsibility and blame others for it, the prospect for
release is dim. We must cease blaming parents, environment, or other
people or circumstances, or there can be no effective strategy for
conquering the affliction. There is good hope for release when we accept
that, in the end, we and no one else are responsible to create the
conditions for change.
So, accept the
responsibility (as I have), and claim the promises! It is only then that
we can begin the work of overcoming our self-imposed prison of loneliness.
And be assured that the work is not going to be done alone, but with the
help of the Living God who created and sustains us.
Curtis
|
